Right then. Brentford away.
A fixture that’s somehow always more irritating than it should be. An opposition built on spreadsheets, xG charts and annoying set pieces. A stadium that looks like someone clicked “generate random ground” on Football Manager. And a match that will — without fail — be described on commentary as a battle between “two of the best-run clubs in the Premier League”. Yawn.
But beneath all the bland analytics waffle, there’s spice. Not on the pitch (we’ll get to that), but in the posh seats. Or more accurately, just outside them.
Because Tony Bloom — Albion owner, poker god, maths whizz — won’t be in the Brentford boardroom today. He and their own data-drunk overlord Matthew Benham famously don’t get on. It’s one of those long-running feuds that’s part grudge, part mutual “I invented this first” standoff. No handshake photos, no polite spreadsheet formula small-talk over boardroom canapés. Just cold, silent, algorithmic warfare.
So Bloom will be in the away end. With us.
We’ve been soft at the back, and conceded two or more in each of the last four Premier League games. But today – hallelujah – Jan Paul van Hecke is back. His one-game suspension has come and gone, and with it, Fabian Hurzeler can move Carlos Baleba out of the ‘makeshift centre-back’ role and back into his preferred ‘midfield chaos merchant’ position.
The pretty-much-everyone-who-can-play-fullback injury crisis continues – although there is hope regarding Joel Veltman, Tariq Lamptey and even Ferdi – so Jack Hinshelwood is set to continue as a makeshift right-back.
Kaoru Mitoma is back, though the international break appears to have politely asked his form to wait at the gate. A few flights and World Cup qualifiers for Japan later, and he’s returned looking more jet-lagged than jet-fuelled.
Next to Baleba in the middle? Take your pick: Ayari, Gómez or O’Riley. The kind of choice that screams “we’ve got depth”—or “we’re still working it out.” Depends on how optimistic you’re feeling today.
Yankuba Minteh should get the nod on the right, despite a curious reluctance to use the limb traditionally associated with it. Pedro and Welbeck up front because, well, who else is there?
Tactically, who knows? Hurzeler-ball feels like it’s still in beta mode, with the current poor run having many Albion fans pleading for signs of a plan and a distinct identity. Brentford will look to launch long to the troublesome pair of Wissa and Mbuemo, but don’t rule out a set-piece goal via a centre-back nodding home at the back post, whilst elbowing someone in the face. Where’s VAR when you need it?
But forget the aesthetics — today is about the points, not footballing poetry.
Beating Brentford doesn’t need to be pretty, it just needs to happen. It REALLY needs to happen.
Three points keep our European hopes alive and well, like that 90s indie band somehow still getting festival slots. For Brentford, a defeat would seriously dent their continental ambitions. We’d leave with European Tour dreams intact, whilst Bees fans might not need that passport renewal form after all.
We’re in that part of the season now where each game feels like a litmus test. Not of form, but of intent. What do we actually want from the rest of this season? What kind of team are we trying to be?
Winning at Brentford isn’t as glamorous as a victory at Old Trafford. But a win here — gritty, ugly, defiant, doing whatever it takes — would mean something. We’d be showing that much-called-for reaction. And after the last few weeks, we really need a reaction!
And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to see Tony Bloom go full-on batshit mental again? The Lizard is cool, calm and calculated. Until he’s surrounded by Albion fans in the Brentford away end and we find the back of the net.
UTA
