Thread full of Fast Show Quotes

[Dave the OAP]

Ron Manager:


Self belief. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it, I can do it, I can really move from my head right down to my blue suede shoes. Isn't it? Rubettes, 1973? Marvellous.

 

[Dave the OAP]

Rowley Birkin: She was half woman, half fish. Terrible in the kitchen, but a bloody good swimmer.

 

[Hiney]

Bugger!

 

[Seagullible]

scorchio

 

[Dave the OAP]

Football Commentator: Well, Ron Manager, once again the pace and the tempo of that first half totally dictated by the boy wonder, Ryan Giggs.
Ron Manager: Cor, Ryan Giggs, you know? Giggsy, isn't it? Mmm? Giggsy-wiggsy? Mmm? Oh! Ryan-y Giggsy-wiggsy. Isn't it? You know, marvellous.
Tommy: Is he the new George Best?
Ron Manager: Is George Best the old Ryan Giggs? But Giggsy-wiggsy. Precocious talent, isn't he? Mmm? Ooh, got it all, you know? Speed, acceleration, sweet left foot, all the tricks - the dummy, the drop of the shoulder, the shimmy, nutmeg, jiggery-pokery, hocus pocus, abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya. Steve Miller Band? Spin Doctors? Ooh, very similar.
Football Commentator: Thank you, Ron. Now, Tommy, it's interesting to see the diamond formation being used again.
Ron Manager: Diamond formation? Does anyone really know what that is? I mean, at least you knew where you were with Alf Ramsey's wingless wonders. You know? 4-4-2, 4-2-4, 4-3-3...0898 654000, freephone double glazing?
Football Commentator: You've lost me there, Ron. Not sure about that particular formation. But, Tommy, do we need structure? Look at the Brazilians.
Ron Manager: Oh, those Brazilians, you know? Circa 1970? Broke the mould. Theory out the window. Free expression of football. Uncategorisable. Is that a word? It is now! You know? Far cry from small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts. Rush goalie. Two at the back, three in the middle, four up front, one's gone home for his tea. Beans on toast? Possibly, don't quote me on that. Marvellous.

 

[Dave the OAP]

THE BEST YET


Swiss Toni:


Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Unzip the door, put up your pole, and slip into the old bag

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

You aint seen me, roight?

 

[Dave the OAP]

Yes I have...you sit just along from me and abuse MM all the time

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

That's you Dave, Magoo out and all that.


Brilllliiiiiiaaaaaaannnnnnttttt

I'll get me coat.

 

[Rusco]

Cough ~ from that gardener bloke Ted wasn't it

 

[Knightsworld]

BRIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLIIIIIIIAAAAAANNt thread

 

[Knightsworld]

eh feh, feh, feh, feh feh feh, CHRIS WADDLE

 

[Hiney]

I turnip think potato this tomato thread aubergine is swede absolutely cabbage f***ing brocolli brilliant

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

Cough ~ from that gardener bloke Ted wasn't it

Which was nice.

 

[aftershavedave]

27. THAT'S AMAZING

SD Hello, and welcome to That's Amazing, with ME, CARL HOOPER! TODAY, I'm
gonna show you THE VERY LATEST discovery from the world of science, as
I introduce to you a real-life mad professor. Doctor Norton Presterhouse,
from the Institute of Genetics, in Kentucky (and that's in the good old U.S.
of A.) G'day t'ya, Prof! So what have you crazy old boffins been dreamin'
up for us, mate?
M1 Ha-ha-ha! Well, you know, I wouldn't exactly say I was nutty. But, I
guess you gotta be a little bit crazy to do the kind of work that I do.
SD Yeah, well what exactly have you got to show us, mate?
M1 Well...
[pause]
M1 ... I guess your viewers'll be familiar with the film, "Jurassic Park".
SD Yeah, we've seen that. Now what exactly have you got to show us?
M1 Well, Carl, I guess you'll know what this is, then. A prehistoric mosquito
trapped in amber!
[M1 holds up a nugget of amber]
M1 And mosquitos like this, fed off the very blood of dinosaurs.
SD What exactly have you got to show us?
M1 Now, we an-nal-ised this... erm, an-ana-lise...
SD You mean analysed.
M1 That's the word. Y'see, I-I-I keep have trouble with that word. Which is
kind'a ironic, because in my work, I'm constantly having to an-nal-ise, er,
an-nal-ise...
SD ANALYSE!
M1 That's right! That's right. So, we at the Institute, an-nali- an-nal-ised this
mosquito, and re-AL-ised... that Jurassic Park might not simply be a fairy
tale. Now, through gee-netic coding, we've actually been able to create
and breed creatures that haven't walked this Earth for over sixty five
MILLION YEARS, Carl.
SD Like a real-life Jurassic Park?
M1 That's it! And... here it is.
[M1 reaches below the counter and produces a small blue fish tank, with
the words "JURASSIC PARK" written on a small label in felt-tip. SD looks
distinctly unimpressed]
SD That's a fish tank, mate.
M1 Was a fish tank. Now, it's Jurassic Park! Take a little look inside there,
Carl.
[slight pause as SD bends over to have a look]
SD They're mosquitos.
M1 That's right! Sixty five MILLION YEAR old mosquitos, Carl.
[pause]
SD Get off my show.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Policeman: I've ascertained the time of death as 9.15.
Monkfish: Have you really? What do you want, a biscuit?

 

[le fabue]

And all around my ARSE!

 

[Jam The Man]

Coughing Bob Fleming:

Keep going I'll be alright...


AND...


Cough medicine?! What will they think of next?

 

[dunno]

Today I'll be mainly looking at North Stand Chat!

(he's an Albion fan by the way!)

 

[butchy]

CRAAAZY night and LAAAAZY days!!!