A girlfriends/Wife's responsibilities

[Tom Bombadil]

Why is it that every week, in every soap, someone stands up and makes some kind of "public announcement" to everyone in the boozer ? Whether it be the Woolpack, the Vic or the Rovers, hardly a day goes by without some wretched skank lurching up to the bar, calling for a bit of quiet, and starting off with: "now I know what you lot all fink of me, right, but....." blah blah blah.

Now I've been to a lot of pubs. I spend a lot of time and a lot of money in them, and there are several that I attend on a regular basis. And never, NEVER in all my years has ANYONE ever decided to make an announcement to the entire pub. Never happens. Yet in "soapworld" I'm amazed if a day goes by without at least one of them airing all their dirty linen to all and sundry down the local.

Or is it just me.

My local when I was a teenager was run by an ageing husband and wife whom the brewery were forever trying to persuade to move on. One night the landlady got plastered (as was her habit) and proceeded to treat the entire pub to a rant about her problems and how no-one understood how hard her life is.

All very funny until she reached into her top and removed her false tit ( i believe it was her left one) and proceeded to tell everyone about her mastectomy(sp?) before throwing aforementioned prosthetic breast at her astounded husband who was behind the bar.

Sadly she died a few years later when her cancer returned. Still I feel I can safely say I'll never see anything like it again

 

[Publius Ovidius]

During Eastenders I have taken to going upstairs and killing loads of japanese people on the playstation...Pacific Airwar 2 or something like that.



Thats exactly what Tank does when the 'soaps' are on, except he does it on the PC! Takes great pleasure in shooting anything that moves..............must be a man thing eh

definately a man thing...wahaay the God that is tank and I have something in common!

I think casualty is dreadful. On Holby Chrissy is very yummy as is Connie, and Zubin is very handsome:safeway

 

[The Laughing Bluebird]

All very funny until she reached into her top and removed her false tit ( I believe it was her left one) and proceeded to tell everyone about her mastectomy (sp?) before throwing aforementioned prosthetic breast at her astounded husband who was behind the bar.

Excellent!

 

[Race]

But what DID happen to Ethel's little Willy?

Not sure about that one! Did he croak before she did or after either way it was the ugliest thing I have ever seen.....dog wise that is!

 

[Easy 10]

All very funny until she reached into her top and removed her false tit ( i believe it was her left one) and proceeded to tell everyone about her mastectomy(sp?) before throwing aforementioned prosthetic breast at her astounded husband who was behind the bar.

superb story.

Do they actually put a sticky-out nipple on those prosthetic boobs then ? I've often wondered.

 

[king Wombat]

During Eastenders I have taken to going upstairs and killing loads of japanese people on the playstation..

i have more questions about this but these will do for starters.

why japanese?
where do you get the japanese people from (ie advertisement, ebay etc?)
where is the waiting area for them prior to execution?
does it not damage your playstation when they;re standing on it?

 

[LEWES CLIFF]

I expect my wife to understand that brothels,lapdancing clubs and poledancing places are visited by married men not for any sexual reasons but so that man can meditate on the purpose of life.She must though understand such meditation does cost about £70 and can make you itch

 

[Publius Ovidius]

i have more questions about this but these will do for starters.

why japanese?
where do you get the japanese people from (ie advertisement, ebay etc?)
where is the waiting area for them prior to execution?
does it not damage your playstation when they;re standing on it?

1.Because they are the japanese Army that has invaded Guam ( or sommat like that)
2. Sorry too deep a question
3. In a fox hole, building or on the level I am on, in landing craft - the sneeky buggers
4. No not really

 

[Saint Lennard]

On Holby Chrissy is very yummy as is Connie, and Zubin is very handsome:safeway

??

What the f*ck are you on about. I thought Holby was about train set enthusiasts.

 

[king Wombat]

1.Because they are the japanese Army that has invaded Guam ( or sommat like that)
2. Sorry too deep a question
3. In a fox hole, building or on the level I am on, in landing craft - the sneeky buggers
4. No not really

thank you for your reply.
as ever the answer produces more questions.

in order to fit a landing craft or fox hole in your bedroom you must be very rich.

therefore you must be in fact

david hasselhoff.

when is your next single out?

 

[Publius Ovidius]

thank you for your reply.
as ever the answer produces more questions.

in order to fit a landing craft or fox hole in your bedroom you must be very rich.

therefore you must be in fact

david hasselhoff.

when is your next single out?

Sorry this is far too deep for a Thursday lunchtime

SL I was never allowed a Hornby train set

 

[tedebear]

SL I was never allowed a Hornby train set

me niether - I had an electric Lego one though - had blue tracks and the locomotive had a working headlight!!

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

...wahaay the God that is tank and I have something in common!

*strokes chin thoughtfully*

 

[Saint Lennard]

SL I was never allowed a Hornby train set

Yeah they were for the swotty posh kids. Scaletrix was the thing to have. Now have a Simpsons skateboarding set (not me...my daughter, of course). Great fun.......until the kids beat me!!!

 

[Publius Ovidius]

scalextric...now you're talking.

had miles of track, loads of cars...pits set ( never understood that one) bumps, humps, Grandstands, chicanes with straw bales ...........I am going to have a lie down now

 

[southwickseagull]

WIFE = Washing Ironing f***ing Etc.

 

[Lady Bracknell]

Does the etc., include a swift kick in the nads occasionally?

 

[Race]

WIFE = Washing Ironing f***ing Etc.

what a charming husband you are!!

 

[Lady Bracknell]

I assume you ARE actually married, southwick?

PS. That dog was an ugly little fecker though wasn't it?

 

[Northstander]

WIFE = Washing Ironing f***ing Etc.