Favourite euphemisms

[Buzzer]

Now...I like to read Viz for the Profanisaurus and there was one recently that made me laugh like a drain:

"He decorated her face like a plasterer's radio."

Fantastic. Anybody got any others? To get you going, here are my other favourites:

"grinning like a wanking jap"

"Christ, that was a difficult poo. I was in there for ages doing an impression of a chinese wicketkeeper."

 

[The Large One]

I like the euphemism for bi-sexuals...

'So, they like to bowl from the Sea End AND the Cromwell Road End?'

 

[Buzzer]

ooh, ooh. that reminded me TLO...a rather convoluted one for lesbians:

prefers the wilton to the stilton.

I usually end up having to explain that one though.

 

[The Large One]

Tunnel or funnel?

 

[Uncle Buck]

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.

 

[Napper]

sweating like a rapist

 

[Uncle Buck]

Sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.

 

[Mendoza]

I like the euphemism for bi-sexuals...

'So, they like to bowl from the Sea End AND the Cromwell Road End?'

best ive heard for that is some northerner calling bi sexuals Hovis's ........ (best of both worlds)

 

[Mendoza]

slower than a spastic in a magnet factory

 

[Uncle Buck]

Faker than a tranny's fanny.

 

[Easy 10]

Sweating like a paedo in Mothercare.
Sweating like Gary Glitter in PC World

I;ve always been fond of \"up the council gritter\" for \"shitter\" as well.

 

[Titanic]

Many of these are not euphemisms, they are similes, and rather crude at that.

[SIZE=-1]euphemism n. The act or an example of substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive.

An example of euphemism would be 'front bottom'.
[/SIZE]

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Many of these are not euphemisms, they are similes, and rather crude at that.

[SIZE=-1]euphemism n. The act or an example of substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive.

An example of euphemism would be 'front bottom'.
[/SIZE]

Pedant:1: One who has an irresistible urge to point out the shortcomings of others, often by using a dictionary definition.

2: One who is thought of by others as bit of a front bottom.

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

sweating like a rapist

ooh, i'm gonna have to take that one down.

 

[Buzzer]

Pedant:1: One who has an irresistible urge to point out the shortcomings of others, often by using a dictionary definition.

2: One who is thought of by others as bit of a front bottom.

owned: what Bevendean Hillbilly has just done, like, to Titanic

 

[Moshe Gariani]

There was an interesting discussion on Radio 4 yesterday about euphemisms in obituaries. Classics of the past being "didn't suffer fools gladly", "comforted by", "fun-loving" and "never married"...

 

[Moshe Gariani]

owned: what Bevendean Hillbilly has just done, like, to Titanic

mmm... not sure that responding seriously to a tongue in cheek is good grounds for ownage...

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

sweating like a fat kid chasing an icecream van

 

[Grendel]

"Sweating like a black man at an Alabama rape trial" and "wetter than a housewives fanny at a Take That reunion concert" are two of my particular favourites.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

There was an interesting discussion on Radio 4 yesterday about euphemisms in obituaries. Classics of the past being "didn't suffer fools gladly", "comforted by", "fun-loving" and "never married"...

As in..

"didn't suffer fools gladly", = miserable bastard. Hated by everybody

"comforted by", = having an affair with

"fun-loving", = coke fiend

never married", = screaming queen