[Misc] Is having kids more hassle than it's worth?

[Super Steve Earle]

Nothing will ever devalue or replace the love I have my children.

 

[BigBod]

We left it late..Mrs was 40, me 41. Had over 20 years of partying and travelling the world and felt we needed a change but didn't know what. Mrs thought she was going through the menopause and had blood test only for the doc to phone us one evening and say "Congratulations, your pregnant"... Couldn't have been more shocked. Turns out it is the best thing that has ever happened to us and saved us a fortune...lol...much cheaper having a baby than travelling the world... I never knew I could love someone so much.

Littleun is off to Uni in September, the travelling will resume, although it never really stopped completely. Littleun has been going on holiday in a sidecar since she was 6 months old all over Europe.

Glad we left it late, it really has suited us.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

I had kids relatively late. Hearing the constant stream of kid stuff coming from my friends was just maddening.

"Ooh I just don't know what we did in the evenings before having kids"
"Look, look at my boy on world book day!"
"She drew me this [total shite] drawing, look!"
"Yeah he does have his Dad's nose doesn't he, but I think he looks like my Mum. Yeah I had that hair when I was a baby"
I DO. NOT. CARE.

So I started fatherhood as a cynic. But all of these wonderful new feelings creep up on you. You can't really explain them to other people because other people's kids are all crap. But your child. That's different.

Case in point, when I took my son to the Amex shop last year, he caught a glimpse of WSU from the North entrance which was open at the time. His jaw absolutely dropped, his eye's widened and he froze. "Are they ALL seats, Dad??". Seeing that look of excitement and wonder on his face nearly made me CRY. Me! Cry over a kid being excited!

So the only advice I can give is that you will change in ways you didn't think were possible. And that's quite hard to second guess before you have them.

Also, they are a f***ing pain in the arse.

 

[DJ NOBO]

That was why I left it late to have kids (36 & 38). I had my teenage years, my twenties and most of my thirties going out having a great time, spending silly money doing stupid things but was financially stable by then with a nice house and a reasonable mortgage which meant we could still go out to eat regularly, go on holidays etc, but with my kids.

I was actually known at work as 'the Olympic Flame' by that time as I never went out with the people I worked with, I would rather go home and go out/away with the family than hang around a load of pissed youngsters (or worse). And besides Ibiza had turned to shit by the late 90's, full of complete tossers, so we only ever took the kids there a couple of times after that.

But the lie-ins go, you're right about that

36 and 38 is old to have kids
I had mine at 42 and 45 (would have been sooner if nature had allowed Tbf). The wife is seven years younger than me

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

It's Stockholm Syndrome

 

[lost in london]

Those moments when they do something you didn't think they were capable of make it all worthwhile. Playing a song on the piano, clear a jump on a mountain bike, getting down a water slide that has terrified them all week etc. - just magic.

My favourite thing to do in the world, genuinely, is to sit on the sofa with the wife and kids all enjoying a TV programme together (Stath Lets Flats at the minute). Nothing beats that shared collective experience for me. I know they're expensive, and time consuming, and hold back your career (if you actually spend time with them), but they're the best thing I have ever done. And I can't wait to see where their lives take them. What a ride.

 

[Gwylan]

Not sure about the selfish point? Selfish for what reason? Surely it's better to make yourself happy and be happy. Also , the country and world is overpopulated....

This categorically isn't true. As someone pointed out earlier, the birth rate is about 1.5 (and falling) and should be 2.1 to sustain the population (which it hasn't been since the mid-70s). So, we definitely should be having more kids.

Mrs Gwylan and I did our best but couldn't have our own so we adopted two who had been neglected by their birth parents. Having kids is hard but having adopted kids is hard squared, they come with a heap of psychological damage - those teenage years were hell. But, despite all the hard times and the grief, I wouldn't have missed it for anything; the good times more than made up for it.

Oh, and I was nearly 49 when we adopted, so I'm definitely an older parent

 

[Creaky]

This categorically isn't true. As someone pointed out earlier, the birth rate is about 1.5 (and falling) and should be 2.1 to sustain the population (which it hasn't been since the mid-70s). So, we definitely should be having more kids.

Mrs Gwylan and I did our best but couldn't have our own so we adopted two who had been neglected by their birth parents. Having kids is hard but having adopted kids is hard squared, they come with a heap of psychological damage - those teenage years were hell. But, despite all the hard times and the grief, I wouldn't have missed it for anything; the good times more than made up for it.

Oh, and I was nearly 49 when we adopted, so I'm definitely an older parent

You are only looking at domestic population. World population growth is still continuing and expected to grow by 2 billion to 10 billion in the next 50 years.

UK population is also still increasing albeit assisted by immigration.

 

[Comrade Sam]

That was why I left it late to have kids (36 & 38). I had my teenage years, my twenties and most of my thirties going out having a great time, spending silly money doing stupid things but was financially stable by then with a nice house and a reasonable mortgage which meant we could still go out to eat regularly, go on holidays etc, but with my kids.

I was actually known at work as 'the Olympic Flame' by that time as I never went out with the people I worked with, I would rather go home and go out/away with the family than hang around a load of pissed youngsters (or worse). And besides Ibiza had turned to shit by the late 90's, full of complete tossers, so we only ever took the kids there a couple of times after that.

But the lie-ins go, you're right about that

My wife and I had seen 40+ countries, bought a home and had stable jobs before having kids. I was just shy of 40 when we had the first and now I go to gigs with my eldest and we all have lie ins on the weekend. And since COVID we've travelled again and with the kids - it's blooming marvellous. I think my wife fears being stuck with me when the girls have fled to university.

 

[rebel51]

Bloody tiring and mentally draining but worth it in the end, the smiles and the little things younguns do make it worth it.

 

[Gwylan]

You are only looking at domestic population. World population growth is still continuing and expected to grow by 2 billion to 10 billion in the next 50 years.

UK population is also still increasing albeit assisted by immigration.

Which is why I specifically highlighted domestic population. Yes, the only reason that pension provision in this country hasn't completely collapsed is through immigration. However, when we see several political parties looking to reduce immigration, this isn't going to be the get-out option in the future.

 

[Insel affe]

Like a few on here, I became a parent pretty late to the show. I always told myself if I do not have kids by the time I am 40 then I won't bother.
I was so, so, close, I could see the finish line, coming back from a four week trip to New Zealand and Australia the wife took a test and....

Put the flat up for sale in Camden and moved back down to Brighton, just after the daughter was born. Me & the wife had 10 years together traveling, going to gigs nearly every night, I was ready for a rest......

What a shock, rest my arse, it has been the most gut wrenching, heart breaking, soul searching, anguish ridden, period of my life.
Also filled with unadulterated, unconditional love, joy, pride the day she came to the Amex for the very first game in the Gary Hart send off as a toddler, to coming with me regularly now and even playing for the Albion at Lancing on several occasions.
No one on this gods green earth brings me more joy, so much so it hurts me sometimes thinking I will not be with her all the time, and what the future brings her, I have never loved anyone as much, and that is difficult to comprehend for a selfish person like myself who has been diagnosed with attachment deficit disorder several years ago but I was determined to a better job than mine did with me, my mother gave up after six months, no way would I want her to see, do, suffer what I did.

Is having kids more hassle than it's worth?​

No, it is the most rewarding thing you do.

 

[Commander]

It's hard going the first few years, especially with a close age gap if you have more than one. It starts to get easier around 3-4. Once your house doesn't stink of shit anymore and the kids actually start to interact with you properly. My two boys are 9 and 11 now and it's absolutely amazing. One of them is a decent footballer and watching him play every week is just the best thing ever. If he ends up playing at even County League level I'll cancel my season ticket at the Amex and spend my Saturdays watching him instead. The 9 year old isn't into playing football, but is a keen football hooligan, so that's good.

I think I'd feel a bit lost in my life by now if I didn't have kids. I've been lucky enough to lead a fairly exciting life, and have been moderately successful, but I'm pretty sure I'd just be a bit bored with it all by now if I didn't have kids.

That doesn't mean to say that I don't have days where they make me want to tear my f***ing hair out though!!

 

[darkwolf666]

I enjoy having kids around me so much that I take on others' that can't manage them!

Having/looking after kids is often a lifestyle choice. Get a dog first, see how tying that is before graduating to kids - I mean, at least you can have a dog put down or open the door and let it run free!

 

[Jackthelad]

Also watching your own kids do competitive sport is more rewarding and stressful in a good way than watching rich football players. I never thought I would say that but I much rather watch my sons games in some random part rainy cold Sussex than the Amex. Not to say I don’t enjoy both, but the nerves as your son and daughter play is just another level. It’s also got me interested in grass roots football I’m the wrong side of 40 but I love to get some coach football qualifications. It’s made me fall in love with football again.

 

[rebel51]

Maybe I should answer another time...

My 4yo puked all over herself, her bed and me earlier. She the puked all over our bed, me again and the fresh PJs she had on.
She then puked all over the bathroom, herself again and me again.

She is currently curled up beside me in our bed, smelling of vomit. To be honest, I suspect I smell of vomit too.

I think she's empty, so the fresh sheets on our bed should be safe (though will still need a wash tomorrow).

Oh, and the 2yo was disturbed by the kerfuffle, so he is also in our bed.

What was the question again?

Those are the little things that are so special(the vomiting that is) that I was on about

 

[rebel51]

Problem for me had kids at 49 and 43 and feel like a bible character in the old testament about 900 years old and I'm only 56.

 

[Withdean11]

Your only real purpose in life IMO.

You'll never understand what you get out of it until it happens. Nothing could make me happier than my two.

(and i speak as someone who never wanted kids!)

 

[Commander]

No one on this gods green earth brings me more joy, so much so it hurts me sometimes thinking I will not be with her all the time, and what the future brings her, I have never loved anyone as much

​

It's a strange feeling, isn't it? The best way I can explain it is that if there was a Tiger in my garden attacking my wife, I would obviously do what I could to save her. But I'm pretty sure there would be questions popping into my head like "Is there actually anything you can do here?" and "Is it worth you both getting eaten when you could stay alive". Don't get me wrong, I'd like to think I'd do all I could, but there would definitely be a slight hesitancy in my brain. And I love my wife to bits. But if it was one of my kids in the garden in that situation, my brain wouldn't even allow me to even consider hesitating, I'd just run full pelt into it without a second thought. Nature is very clever.

Also watching your own kids do competitive sport is more rewarding and stressful in a good way than watching rich football players. I never thought I would say that but I much rather watch my sons games in some random part rainy cold Sussex than the Amex. Not to say I don’t enjoy both, but the nerves as your son and daughter play is just another level. It’s also got me interested in grass roots football I’m the wrong side of 40 but I love to get some coach football qualifications. It’s made me fall in love with football again.

100%. My eldest had to take the first penalty in a shoot out in the semi final of a tournament last year in front of about 300 people. I have never, ever felt nerves like that before. It was absolutely horrendous. Made the Forest shoot out or England in the Euros final seem like a bit of fun. Looking back on it, I don't think I covered myself in glory with my reaction when he coolly slotted it home.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Anyone willing to admit they reared a monster?