[Misc] Is having kids more hassle than it's worth?

[Gwylan]

I’m the wrong side of 40 but I love to get some coach football qualifications. It’s made me fall in love with football again.

My kids played rugby rather than football but I loved watching them so much that I got my coaching qualifications the wrong side of 60. So it's never too late

 

[Insel affe]

Anyone willing to admit they reared a monster?

PM sent

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Anyone willing to admit they reared a monster?

You've met my son...

 

[The Man from Del Monte]

Yes.

 

[Gabbafella]

Not once have I ever regretted getting a vasectomy before having a kid, not once.
I've even kept the letter from the doc saying I'm now a Jaffa. I think they used a more medical term though.

 

[BLOCK F]

My wife and I always wanted children and discussed this shortly after we first started going out. We got engaged after going out for only 3 months and were married 4 months later. We had 3 children and had good times as a family during their normal secure childhood upbringing. They are now grown up, but unfortunately, our middle child is an alcoholic, and has, and continues to cause us untold heartache. He is ruining his life and has lost his job as a teacher and is now living back home with us. He has been to rehab, but this has failed and he was back on the booze shortly after he came out.
I won’t bang on any longer, but just to say that you may give your children all the love and security that you can, but a happy outcome is not guaranteed. As his parents, we love him, but as fallible human beings, we do resent what he is doing to our lives and we feel sad at what he is doing to his own life.
Sorry to sound such a misery guts, but parenthood isn’t easy, however old your children may be.

 

[cjd]

My wife and I always wanted children and discussed this shortly after we first started going out. We got engaged after going out for only 3 months and were married 4 months later. We had 3 children and had good times as a family during their normal secure childhood upbringing. They are now grown up, but unfortunately, our middle child is an alcoholic, and has, and continues to cause us untold heartache. He is ruining his life and has lost his job as a teacher and is now living back home with us. He has been to rehab, but this has failed and he was back on the booze shortly after he came out.
I won’t bang on any longer, but just to say that you may give your children all the love and security that you can, but a happy outcome is not guaranteed. As his parents, we love him, but as fallible human beings, we do resent what he is doing to our lives and we feel sad at what he is doing to his own life.
Sorry to sound such a misery guts, but parenthood isn’t easy, however old your children may be.

An incredibly brave post.

It's good to see a balanced thread, despite yours being somewhat sad for one of your children.

I have no issue with couples who choose not to have children. Not everyone is the same and wants the same. So long as they don't criticise me for having them.

I have been fortunate in most of my now, long life. My children are undoubtedly the my number one achievement in life...and the procreation of them was no hardship at all... .

I have three boys and three girls, all whose names start with the letter K, and the first and last were born on the same date in the year...May 9th......Klosure. How lucky am I ..?

I am relatively poor now ( Asset rich , cash poor ), but I begrudge none of it. I'm just proud of all my children and the success and failures it has brought. A fancy restaurant with fine wine, or an expensive around the world trip wouldn't even come close, to the warmth I feel in my heart for them.

 

[Goldstone1976]

36 and 38 is old to have kids
I had mine at 42 and 45 (would have been sooner if nature had allowed Tbf). The wife is seven years younger than me

42 and 45 is old to have kids
I had my fourth at 60. We're planning my fifth for when I'm 63. The GLDHI is a little more than seven years' younger than me.

 

[Goldstone1976]

Anyone willing to admit they reared a monster?

Have you asked your parents that question? Asking for a friend.

 

[Insel affe]

My wife and I always wanted children and discussed this shortly after we first started going out. We got engaged after going out for only 3 months and were married 4 months later. We had 3 children and had good times as a family during their normal secure childhood upbringing. They are now grown up, but unfortunately, our middle child is an alcoholic, and has, and continues to cause us untold heartache. He is ruining his life and has lost his job as a teacher and is now living back home with us. He has been to rehab, but this has failed and he was back on the booze shortly after he came out.
I won’t bang on any longer, but just to say that you may give your children all the love and security that you can, but a happy outcome is not guaranteed. As his parents, we love him, but as fallible human beings, we do resent what he is doing to our lives and we feel sad at what he is doing to his own life.
Sorry to sound such a misery guts, but parenthood isn’t easy, however old your children may be.

Do not apologise
You cannot legislate for how your children turn out, there obviously comes a point in some parents lives where they have to let go for various reasons.
Knowing you have tried your best is all you can do, and more power to you and your family for standing by your son.
wishing you all the best.

 

[Goldstone1976]

My wife and I always wanted children and discussed this shortly after we first started going out. We got engaged after going out for only 3 months and were married 4 months later. We had 3 children and had good times as a family during their normal secure childhood upbringing. They are now grown up, but unfortunately, our middle child is an alcoholic, and has, and continues to cause us untold heartache. He is ruining his life and has lost his job as a teacher and is now living back home with us. He has been to rehab, but this has failed and he was back on the booze shortly after he came out.
I won’t bang on any longer, but just to say that you may give your children all the love and security that you can, but a happy outcome is not guaranteed. As his parents, we love him, but as fallible human beings, we do resent what he is doing to our lives and we feel sad at what he is doing to his own life.
Sorry to sound such a misery guts, but parenthood isn’t easy, however old your children may be.

A very brave post. Thanks for your honesty; it's humbling.

I wish all of you the very best of luck.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Have you asked your parents that question? Asking for a friend.

My father was a Tory, he often questioned where his parenting went wrong (I’m not joking either).

 

[Commander]

Case in point, when I took my son to the Amex shop last year, he caught a glimpse of WSU from the North entrance which was open at the time. His jaw absolutely dropped, his eye's widened and he froze. "Are they ALL seats, Dad??". Seeing that look of excitement and wonder on his face nearly made me CRY. Me! Cry over a kid being excited!

I had the kind of reverse scenario of that last year, when I took my boys into the North Stand for the Roma game. They'd only been in 1901 (spoilt twats) and were badgering me to go in the North. We walked inside and my eldest looked around and then looked at me and said "Bit dirty in here, isn't it?". I think he was shocked that there was no carpet.

I have since taken him to Haywards Heath Town a few times to show him the error of his ways. I think he gets it now.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

My wife and I always wanted children and discussed this shortly after we first started going out. We got engaged after going out for only 3 months and were married 4 months later. We had 3 children and had good times as a family during their normal secure childhood upbringing. They are now grown up, but unfortunately, our middle child is an alcoholic, and has, and continues to cause us untold heartache. He is ruining his life and has lost his job as a teacher and is now living back home with us. He has been to rehab, but this has failed and he was back on the booze shortly after he came out.
I won’t bang on any longer, but just to say that you may give your children all the love and security that you can, but a happy outcome is not guaranteed. As his parents, we love him, but as fallible human beings, we do resent what he is doing to our lives and we feel sad at what he is doing to his own life.
Sorry to sound such a misery guts, but parenthood isn’t easy, however old your children may be.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I wish you, and your son, all the best.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I had the kind of reverse scenario of that last year, when I took my boys into the North Stand for the Roma game. They'd only been in 1901 (spoilt twats) and were badgering me to go in the North. We walked inside and my eldest looked around and then looked at me and said "Bit dirty in here, isn't it?". I think he was shocked that there was no carpet.

I like the sound of your lads

 

[marcos3263]

I have one - thought it was the done thing. He's a great, intelligent, football playing, xbox addict and at 11 we never had the terrible 2s or anything. Im hoping he will stay a great kid through his teenage years.

I only had one so I could enjoy and spoil him. I thought I may struggle with 2. - I have mates who are constantly running around with their brood and have little time as an actual family as one is at dance, while one is at football etc.

Also a lot of people I know with two have a broken one and that looks horrendous, heart-breaking and exhausting.

I have a few couples that are childfree 2 by choice - 1 by nature. all seem to have more money, free time, holidays etc they can go away on a whim, and are looking to retire earlier.

Hard to know who is happier - the childless seem to be having a riot, the families have their own fun. the facebook feed is very contradictory

 

[Super Steve Earle]

Not only are my kids great, they've provided two lovely grandaughters and a loving grandson to keep it all going.

 

[The Optimist]

42 and 45 is old to have kids
I had my fourth at 60. We're planning my fifth for when I'm 63. The GLDHI is a little more than seven years' younger than me.

Wow! Having mine at 39 and 42 makes me feel my age. Also 2 feels like plenty.

I can’t imagine having a 5th at 63 - where do you get your energy from?

To answer the OPs question - definitely worth it for me, but everyone’s different and I wouldn’t recommend anyone has a child because they think they ‘should’. It should be something you want to do. It’s also worth pointing out that other people’s children are annoying but your own aren’t (actually they are but it’s different).

 

[Wrong-Direction]

That was why I left it late to have kids (36 & 38). I had my teenage years, my twenties and most of my thirties going out having a great time, spending silly money doing stupid things but was financially stable by then with a nice house and a reasonable mortgage which meant we could still go out to eat regularly, go on holidays etc, but with my kids.

I was actually known at work as 'the Olympic Flame' by that time as I never went out with the people I worked with, I would rather go home and go out/away with the family than hang around a load of pissed youngsters (or worse). And besides Ibiza had turned to shit by the late 90's, full of complete tossers, so we only ever took the kids there a couple of times after that.

But the lie-ins go, you're right about that

I'm 36 so maybe now is a good time..

 

[BN9 BHA]

I'm 36 so maybe now is a good time..

You will need a 4th generation plumber to carry on the business